You’ll Hate Yourself Later

Just a short observation today.

I know I’m not the only one who has conversations – arguments, really – about whether or not to go for a run or complete a workout.  I’ve heard it from my friends.  I’ve seen it on blogs.  My little chats typically don’t have to do with getting the workout in, per se, but are about getting out of bed in the morning, as that’s when I do about 99% of my workouts.  The hardest part is getting my feet to the floor.  Once I’m UP, I’m THERE.

Most days, I’m simply telling myself that I have enough time for just one more ‘snooze,’ and I eventually get up.  Occasionally, however, I have a “GET UP!” / “SLEEP IN!” shout down going on in my head.  You’d think the noise level (yes, inside my head) would be enough to get me up, but sometimes the ‘sleep in’ babe wins out.

So I argued with myself this morning about getting up to make it to 5:45 class at the Aerobic Center, first about one more snooze, then about getting up at all.  My legs are sore from racing, so I was trying to convince myself that I real rest day was legit – totally legit!  I went back and forth with myself a few times before I finally talked myself into just getting the hell up.  I’ve learned that the sentence, “You’ll hate yourself later,” is the one thing that works for me about nine times out of ten.

I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve been “this” close to staying in bed when some wiser voice busts out, “You’ll hate yourself later.”  I would punch that voice, but I know that that would only hurt the both of us, never mind the fact that she’s totally right.  I do hate myself – my whole self – when the ‘sleep in’ half of me wins out.

Anyway, what hit me this morning is how I am really talking to myself like I’m two (or more?) different people.  People within me yet oddly outside myself.  It’s never, “I will hate myself later.”  It’s always, “You will hate yourself later.”

Why is that?  Who are these women in my head?  And isn’t it amazing that I just simply agree with her and get up instead of being all, “WHAT?  WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BEDROOM AT 5:00AM!?”?  Which would also, I suppose, get me out of bed.

More importantly, though, how can I evict – once and for all – that witch who tries to sabotage me with the promise of more sleep?  Is she ever going to be driven out of my head for good?  Or do I have to deal with her forever?

I don’t know the answers, so I’m just going to thank my lucky stars that babe who’s aware that we WILL hate ourselves later clawed her way to the top of my consciousness, after years of lying dormant in there.

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